Again, I was reading DTS’ kindred spirit and devotions for a long time …and after a long time. God was helping me to analyze my heart and how much I have fallen from all three.
Easily getting angered…speaking unkind words…showing less grace…speaking and criticize ministers and works…all things that I wanted to get rid of in the early days of Christ.
But, when I was deeply hurt, I was struggling to keep my ideologies with reality. How will a church get upset with me if I am taking Indian (who ended up Indians) to the American church I regularly attend. In fact the Indian church existed only after two or three years after I came to Pittsburgh.
When this is happening, my pastor is criticizing me for other reason and hurt me deeply. I felt I don’t have anybody and started to take out the hurt, frustration and anger on my family and this coincides or followed Jonathan’s birth. It was struggle for year after Jonathan was born though we were blessed immensely because of his arrival.
In fact, some have the audacity to say to my wife that I don’t like the Indian Church. One thing I have learnt in this year is to ignore man’s word. How wrong they are! At the end God will reveal the intention of every man’s heart and each one will have his own reward.
Though I don’t have anything against anybody, all these experiences are making me stronger but have made my flesh come out more often that I had wished for. It was a time to know it means to follow Christ to show forgiveness and facing circumstances that we cannot understand with trust in Jesus, the creator.
Love is a choice. There is no reason why God should love me .But He does for He knows that there is no hope for me other than Him. And, He extends his loving kindness to me everyday for I need him everyday.
Prayer life and Bible reading have been hit hard because of so many changes in life recently but God is bringing me back, ….stronger. There is still earning in my heart to be like him …especially to show immense kindness to my wife to whom I have not been graceful enough. I shouldn’t let others dictate how we run our family.
I have come to understand that being busy is more of a curse than of a blessing. I have slowed down more and focus more on loving, unity and perfecting in holiness and above all to cloth Christ.
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